Kid Cudi Says His Mental Health Was ‘Darker Than Ever’ Before He Went to Rehab


Scott Mescudi, also called Child Cudi, talked about his experiences with anxiety, despair, and substance use at a fundraising dinner for New York-Presbyterian Hospital’s Youth Anxiety Center earlier this week. The rapper, 38, talked about how occasions throughout his childhood led to years-long psychological well being struggles and defined how he lastly acquired assist.

“My father handed once I was 11, and issues began to slowly get unhealthy after that,” Mescudi mentioned. He added that, because the youngest of 4 siblings, he usually felt like an solely baby and barely confided in his mom. “I used to be alone quite a bit, probably not speaking to my mother about what I used to be feeling. How do you come as much as Mother, who’s coping with 4 youngsters and your dad died and he or she’s caring for all people on her personal?” Mescudi mentioned. “My mother did an important job; there was only a lot for her to deal with.”

Mescudi mentioned that as a result of he by no means opened up about his emotions, he acquired “actually good [at] masking the insanity over time, being the youngest of 4, staying in my place, being quiet, entertaining myself. It was nearly like I used to be an solely baby, so to talk, on the time.”

Mescudi mentioned he partied as a teen, however his substance use acquired worse after his music began getting increasingly more recognition. “It wasn’t scary till afterward in my life, as I used to be Child Cudi,” he mentioned. Finally, his drug use grew to become so overwhelming that he began contemplating suicide. “I used to be suicidal. I used to be darker than I ever had been in my life,” Mescudi mentioned. “I’m serious about, ‘How may I do that with out my household discovering out, with out my buddies discovering out?’ Like I’m really plotting my dying.”

However this served as a turning level in Mescudi’s life, prompting him to hunt assist earlier than appearing on his plans. “That was what actually scared me straight to the purpose the place I mentioned I wanted to go get assist…I wish to reside for my daughter, for my household, for my buddies, for my followers. I wish to reside, I would like this for myself. So, I made the selection for the primary time in my life to go get assist for what I didn’t perceive.”

Mescudi entered rehab at age 32, after mentioning the thought to his supervisor, who was instantly supportive. There have been a couple of bumps within the street—he mentioned he tried to depart rehab thrice whereas recovering—however ultimately discovered methods to deal with his feelings with out counting on substances. “It was a extremely good workers,” Mescudi mentioned. “They made me really feel actually comfy, and I didn’t really feel loopy.”

Along with serving to Mescudi change his relationship with substances, rehab helped him set wholesome boundaries round work. “Since rehab, I’ve been pacing myself with work. For instance, I don’t drop an album yearly anymore; I do it each different yr,” he mentioned. “That was one of many issues that drove me mad up till 2016, as a result of I used to be dropping an album yearly and that took its toll on me.”

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